the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
