I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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