I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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