Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
