I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
