And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
