their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
