i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
