so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
