you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
