I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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