So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
