every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
