It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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