this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
