We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
