I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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