google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
