if you like me you must not know who I am
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
