I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
