all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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