Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
