OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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