I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
