my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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