Don't make out with my wife yet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
