The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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