you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
