They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
