I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
