you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
