just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
