how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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