if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
