but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
