god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
