Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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