I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
