So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
