Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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