i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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