just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need a burrito and a hug.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
