Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
