aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How does one acquire holy water?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
