omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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