well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
