i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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