Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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