Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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