I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
