You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
