everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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