Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
