You work out of a Hotel?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
