I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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